Do you love too much?

Lucky as I am to have met and married a wonderful man, doesn’t mean I have forgotten the gut-wrenching times when relationships didn’t go the way I wanted. I remember wanting to desperately change a few men, make them love me the way I wanted to be loved, and feeling that impotent rage when it resulted in nothing.

In hindsight, why didn’t I just simply walk away? I knew what I wanted, it was clear he wasn’t going to give it to me, so why stay?

And that is the essence of most relationships problems. We love them so much that we forgive them for almost anything and stay around, sometimes for years, hoping it will get better.

It rarely does.

In the height of particularly bad relationship, where I couldn’t seem to get myself away, I stumbled on a book by Robin Norwood, titled Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much. It’s like a first-aid manual to help women preserve their sanity, serenity and sense of humour as they develop a healthier approach to loving and living.

There’s a meditation for every day of the year. Its over-arching message is, when being in love means being in pain, then you are loving too much. Loving turns into loving too much when your partner is inappropriate, uncaring or unavailable, and yet you cannot give him up.

I’ll share a few of these meditations with you in this blog.

21 January: As women who love too much, we may actually relish our co-starring roles in the recurring dramas and melodramas that make up our lives.
Believing that we have had the saddest childhood or the most dangerous lover or the most shocking experience can become our way of feeling important and getting attention from others. Recovery may feel dull by comparison.

May 13: Our attempts to matter to this man, to become as necessary to his well-being as he is to ours, can turn us into clinging, smothering, manipulative and even self-abasing women. When we love too much, we are usually despised for our efforts: our partner despises us, and we despise ourselves.

December 19: When most of our conversations with intimate friends are about him, his problems, his thoughts, his feelings and nearly all our sentences begin with “he…” then we are loving too much.

I’ll post some more over the next few weeks xo